We Need to Talk About Depression and Everyone Needs to Listen — Everyday Feminism

I have suffered from depression for years.  Sometimes seeking help and other times white knuckling through the episode.  You feel so judged.  People want you to snap out of it and trust me, if I could I would.  This article puts words to my feelings.  Better than I ever could.

We Need to Talk About Depression and Everyone Needs to Listen — Everyday Feminism:

'via Blog this'

February Challenge _ Your View Today

Leaving for work to sign off on time sheets before I gave into allergy meds.
Love the moon and stars...not necessary the mirrors, but my Ma gave them to me so I have to put them up.

Happy New Year!!!

2012.

When I was younger I never considered years as I planned my path to adulthood.  A plan was always in place but there was never a definitive age or year for accomplishment.  (Might need to ponder on that.)  So I never contemplated what my life might be like in 2012.  Never.

Not to say that I did not have goals to accomplish.  College degree. Check.  A paying job. Check.  Graduate school. (Started, so semi check).  These were the main goals set upon by expectations.

What I do, what works best for me is to take life as it comes.  So when my credit was tanked and answering unknown numbers was Russian Roulette, I set up a plan to pull myself out.  When it came to my past demons taking control of me I went to therapy, wrote my heart out in my diary and made a plan of action on how to handle my triggers.  When it was time to step out of my comfort zone at work and seek a better position with more responsibility although I was scared shitless I did it and have not looked back.

So there no resolutions for me.  All I can do is take each day as it comes and react.  Remember my random thoughts of wants and dreams and make them happen.

Happy New Year!

Embrace this...HERE in the US

I wrote this a long time ago...don't know why I never posted...

After a week of Black in America on CNN. A week were we learned or relearned what we already knew about our state here in America, without an answer or step-by-step plan on how to fix it we need to learn, search & step outside of the box.

Our present generation (& I would go as far back as the children born in the early 80's) have become an "I want it now", "You need to do for me because I won't/can't or have no interest of learning how", "I do not have to listen to you" or "Education is stupid" generation. Now, I realize that this is an over generalization. There is a large portion of society (present generation) who do not believe or think like this. But let's be real. The media will never portray this percentage consistently. NEVER.

I have always been employed in civil service. I know an antiquated term, but it fits. Besides high school all of my jobs have been in government. And I am not speaking of management. I talking about the down and gritty...meeting the people face to face, seeing all the war damage, listening to how food is not available, don't know where Ma is, never met Dad, can't read past the 3rd grade but 19 years old. In my short years I have seen a lot. Never will say it all because all I have to do live another day.

I am always questioning what can I do? Can I do more? What can my family contribute? My friends? I worked with a youth program for 4 years. An average of 110 kids per year. I am still in contact with probably 45% of them. While sometimes I want to pull my hair out with the issues they walk into, I feel the need to be there. Guide them still. Only because they deserve the chance, opportunity, and vision of what they can become. But sometimes I have to pull back and ask when are they going to stand up on their feet and let me walk behind instead of beside? Shouldn't they want to do that?

Unfortunately, more often than not they don't. I cannot tell you how many young men I come in contact with who cannot answer a simple question about themselves without turning to their Mother or girl. "What is your SSN?" ***Turns to look at girl...she answers*** Wouldn't you as a man want to be capable of answering this? "When was the last time you worked?" "What is it that you want to do in life?" "Can you use a computer?" Time and time again I run into MEN who cannot answer these simple questions.

The crux of the problem is it is not about your station in life. It is about your vision for your future.

Yeah, I can say all this because I come from an middle class family. I never wanted for food, shelter or clothes. But I had my issues. I still have my issues. However, the 1 thing or constant that was always in my life was the want to not live in the same station. Grow.  Become more.

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101 Update

Originally I was to complete the list in 1001 days...that did not happen...life happened when I was not looking.  However, I have continued to knock of items.  Here is an updated list...

MoodyGemini's List
101 Things in 1001 Days

1. Add more memory to laptop  Never could add more memory, but the laptop died so June 2011 I got a new one.
2. Attend an Arts Festival
3. Attend at least one major sporting event: Super Bowl, the Olympics, US Open
4. Bake a cake for someone’s birthday
5. Become CPR Certified by American Red Cross
6. Blog daily (0/1001)
7. Buy a 35 mm SLR digital camera
8. Buy a bike and ride for 2 weeks
9. Buy a Kitchen Aid Artisan mixer  I was gifted an old school Oster mixer...I have know idea the year
10. Buy a Zune
11.Buy an external hard drive  A Christmas present, 2010!
12. Complete my profile on DNA Ancestry Project
13. Complete my profile on My Heritage
14. Create a standard grocery list
15. Create and maintain a goals calendar
16. Decorate my bedroom
17. Do a random act of kindness once per week (0/143)
18. Do yoga DVD once a week for 2 months
19. Donate $3 for every item I don’t complete
20. Drink 62 oz. of H20 per day (0/1001)
21. Eliminate miscellaneous debt
22. Establish a $5000 emergency fund
23. Fall deeply in love – helplessly and unconditionally
24. Fill up my charm bracelet
25. Fly in a hot air balloon
26. Get a job  July 2008, back at the old place...GDOL
27. Get a passport
28. Get a relationship
29. Get a Roth IRA
30. Get another tattoo
31. Get my teeth whitened
32. Go 200 days without being on the internet (0/200)
33. Go bungee jumping
34. Go one week without spending any $
35. Go paint balling
36. Go skydiving  June 2008, Thanks cuzo Chase!!!
37. Go to counseling
38. Grow herbs at home
39. Have a date on Valentine’s Day
40. Have a professional photograph taken
41. Have a Spa Day
42. Join a book club
43. Kiss or be kissed under a mistletoe
44. Learn how to horseback ride
45. Learn how to jog correctly
46. Learn how to make candles
47. Learn how to make homemade ice cream
48. Learn how to make my own beer
49. Learn how to make my own wine
50. Learn how to salsa
51. Learn to bartend
52. Learn to cook Cajun food
53. Let certain people go
54. Make a list of things that I am good at
55. Make a list of things that make me happy
56. Make a list of what I want to be good at or to know more about
57. Make a scrapbook for Cameron
58. Make love in the rain
59. Make my book of quotes with commentary
60. Make my own personal scent using essential oils
61. Make new list when this one is complete!
62. Participate in National Novel Writing Month
63. Pay back family/friends who loaned $ while I was out of work
64. Pay off car  April 2009
65. Payoff credit card
66. Purchase a new sofa  April 2011
67. Read 10 books from the banned list (0/10)
68. Read one biography a month
69. Read the entire list of 100 Essential Books by African-Americans
70. Save $60 monthly
71. See a show at the Fox Theater
72. See Brett Farve play
73. Sell a poem
74. Sell a short story
75. Start a recipe book
76. Start a thankful journey and write in it once a week
77. Start an online bookstore
78. Stop communicating with ex-boyfriend
79. Submit 5 works for publication
80. Submit an entry to PostSecret
81. Swim with the dolphins
82. Learn to belly-dancing class
83. Take a cruise
84. Take a drawing class
85. Learn to ballroom dancing classes
86. Take vitamins everyday (0/1001)
87. Teach someone illiterate to read
88. Travel to South Beach
89. Try to reconnect with cousin R.
90. Visit a historical house
91. Visit a museum
92. Visit African-American Museum in Macon, GA
93. Visit an art gallery
94. Visit my cousin Chase in Hawaii
95. Write a book for Cameron
96. Write a letter to former friend explaining why
97. Write a novella
98. Write a thank you note once a month for 6 months
99. Write a year-end (2008) newsletter for family and friends
100. Write everyday – a page, a paragraph, or a sentence (0/1001)
101. Write my personal mission statement

101 Update

Of course this was to be completed in November of  2010...life happened...

But I plan on completing it as best as I can with the time I have...

I am proud of what I am have been able to complete...

MoodyGemini's List
101 Things in 1001 Days

1. Add more memory to laptop  Never could add more memory, but the laptop died so June 2011 I got a new one.
2. Attend an Arts Festival
3. Attend at least one major sporting event: Super Bowl, the Olympics, US Open
4. Bake a cake for someone’s birthday
5. Become CPR Certified by American Red Cross
6. Blog daily (0/1001)
7. Buy a 35 mm SLR digital camera
8. Buy a bike and ride for 2 weeks
9. Buy a Kitchen Aid Artisan mixer  I was gifted an old school Oster mixer...I have know idea the year
10. Buy a Zune
11.Buy an external hard drive  A Christmas present, 2010!
12. Complete my profile on DNA Ancestry Project
13. Complete my profile on My Heritage
14. Create a standard grocery list
15. Create and maintain a goals calendar
16. Decorate my bedroom
17. Do a random act of kindness once per week (0/143)
18. Do yoga DVD once a week for 2 months
19. Donate $3 for every item I don’t complete
20. Drink 62 oz. of H20 per day (0/1001)
21. Eliminate miscellaneous debt
22. Establish a $5000 emergency fund
23. Fall deeply in love – helplessly and unconditionally
24. Fill up my charm bracelet
25. Fly in a hot air balloon
26. Get a job  July 2008, back at the old place...GDOL
27. Get a passport
28. Get a relationship
29. Get a Roth IRA
30. Get another tattoo
31. Get my teeth whitened
32. Go 200 days without being on the internet (0/200)
33. Go bungee jumping
34. Go one week without spending any $
35. Go paint balling
36. Go skydiving  June 2008, Thanks cuzo Chase!!!
37. Go to counseling
38. Grow herbs at home
39. Have a date on Valentine’s Day
40. Have a professional photograph taken
41. Have a Spa Day
42. Join a book club
43. Kiss or be kissed under a mistletoe
44. Learn how to horseback ride
45. Learn how to jog correctly
46. Learn how to make candles
47. Learn how to make homemade ice cream
48. Learn how to make my own beer
49. Learn how to make my own wine
50. Learn how to salsa
51. Learn to bartend
52. Learn to cook Cajun food
53. Let certain people go
54. Make a list of things that I am good at
55. Make a list of things that make me happy
56. Make a list of what I want to be good at or to know more about
57. Make a scrapbook for Cameron
58. Make love in the rain
59. Make my book of quotes with commentary
60. Make my own personal scent using essential oils
61. Make new list when this one is complete!
62. Participate in National Novel Writing Month
63. Pay back family/friends who loaned $ while I was out of work
64. Pay off car  April 2009
65. Payoff credit card
66. Purchase a new sofa  April 2011
67. Read 10 books from the banned list (0/10)
68. Read one biography a month
69. Read the entire list of 100 Essential Books by African-Americans
70. Save $60 monthly
71. See a show at the Fox Theater
72. See Brett Farve play
73. Sell a poem
74. Sell a short story
75. Start a recipe book
76. Start a thankful journey and write in it once a week
77. Start an online bookstore
78. Stop communicating with ex-boyfriend
79. Submit 5 works for publication
80. Submit an entry to PostSecret
81. Swim with the dolphins
82. Learn to belly-dancing class
83. Take a cruise
84. Take a drawing class
85. Learn to ballroom dancing classes
86. Take vitamins everyday (0/1001)
87. Teach someone illiterate to read
88. Travel to South Beach
89. Try to reconnect with cousin R.
90. Visit a historical house
91. Visit a museum
92. Visit African-American Museum in Macon, GA
93. Visit an art gallery
94. Visit my cousin Chase in Hawaii
95. Write a book for Cameron
96. Write a letter to former friend explaining why
97. Write a novella
98. Write a thank you note once a month for 6 months
99. Write a year-end (2008) newsletter for family and friends
100. Write everyday – a page, a paragraph, or a sentence (0/1001)
101. Write my personal mission statement

Moody Gemini's Rules to Live By

I am huge fan of NCIS, the original.  I park my pale behind on the sofa whenever the USA channel graces us with a marathon.  Jethro Gibbs is one of the most well thought out characters on TV.  Bar none.  On of his attributes which I admire is his "Rules to Live By".  Now those of us who have followed the show for eternity know that his deceased with Shannon was the originator of the list keeping.  She said during one episode everyone should have a code they live by.

The majority of the list that has been revealed on the show (the producers know what they are doing with stretching out revealing the rules) deal more with law enforcement situations but some can be transferred to everyday living.

Here are some of my favorites:

   #3-   Don't believe what you're told.  Double check.  (watch out another #3 is coming...TV...)
   #3-   Never be unreachable.  (I like this one but I think God Himself knows I could never commit to this 100%)
   #4-   The best way to keep a secret?  Keep it to yourself.  2nd best?  Tell one other person - if you must.  There is no 3rd best.
   #5-   You don't waste good.
   #6-   Never apologize.  It's a sign of weakness.  (Like in theory, but how realistic is this?  Can anyone really live a life where you never apologize?)
   #8-   Never take anything for granted.
   #12- Never date a co-worker.
   #16- If someone thinks they have the upper hand, break it.
   #18- It's better to seek forgiveness than ask permission.
   #35- Always watch the watchers.
   #39- There is no such thing as coincidence.
   #40- If it seems someone is out to get you, they are.
   #41- Clean up the mess that you make.  (Never leave behind loose ends.)
   #50- Sometimes - you are wrong.

As I said the producers are slowly revealing all of Gibbs' rules and they are not in chronological order.

SO I say all that to say I have been formulating my own rules to live by.  The rules by Tonya Lee - So here goes...

   #1-  Learn to love time alone.
   #2-  Believe people when they you who they are.
   #3-  Blood does not mean family.
   #4-  Try something twice to make sure you didn't like it.
   #5-  Actively show people how to treat you.
   #6-  Trust your gut.
   #7-  Some people all only for a season.  Do not force.
   #8-  If you love them tell them...show them.
   #9-  A back of the head slap never hurt no one.
   #10- Never allow anyone to crush your spirit.
   #11- Always keep something about yourself for yourself.
   #12- Your parent's life & circumstances should never have a bearing on who you become.  Good or bad.
   #13- Learn how to do it alone.  Everyone leaves at some point.
   #14- Do not borrow another's energy.

...that's it for now...as I continue to find myself I am sure it will change, grow or stay the same.  That's the beauty of life...

Walking Home

As a survivor....

As a survivor of a sexual assault I say this...no one should ever have this memory....

I need this taped to my mirror!

I am still searching to believe....

Photo: "

"

The year of 2010 brought a lot of unexpected, disheartening, uplifting and gratifying events. I know that I have learned from the year. But I am still processing. I am at odds of accepting the new horizons by professional life has taken. I hear from others that it is deserved, but I am my worst critic so I mix my personal life with professional and it does not add up. But I am working on the merger. I can not accept my personal failures as my professional. However I am not wanting to allow my professional life to take over my personal life.

What I want is for the stars shine on my life...every part of me....I hope the stars are aligning with you....

(by anjelize)

Exactly what I am looking for....

(by anjelize): "

(by anjelize)
"

Update...

I have planned a post for weeks.  Something always came up.  Allow me to give you an update of what came up...

• I met someone!  Yep the person who has not dated since 2007 met someone who they actually wanted to spend time.
• The above person and I spent a lot of time together.  I even told other people about him.  (I NEVER do that.)
• My workplace became seriously crazy...unemployment checks are stopping...I have to tell them there is nothing else.  Do you get how hard that becomes?  Between feeling deeply empathic of their circumstances and trying offer other assistance that the DOL does not offer?!  I either receive full blown out tears or a dressing down.  No matter it presses down hard.
• The love of my life next to Platinum has been in PICU since July 3, 2010.  My Buddha.  Cameron, if you look at page.  He has a TBI.  It is July 18, 2010.  He is doing so much better than the 1st week.  And I honestly believe he will make a full recovery.  I have had dreams of him later in life.  (I have these dreams whenever a traumatic event happens and my angels show me the path.  Not the trials but assure me we will make it through.)  Whether he has to rebuild the 1st 2 years of his life...then so be it.  I will be there.  Outside of his Mommy and Grandma I have been there are almost everyday.  He hears our voices, he feels our touch.  He fighting to come back to us and we will fight to have him back.  We love him and need him. He bonds the family.
• The above mentioned guy turned out to flake out during my family crisis.  Wasn't spending enough time.  Could not understand why the phone calls changed or ability to call back in a timely matter changed.  Many discussions.  He did not get it.  My uncle said he would not make the cut.
• Throughout the valleys and peaks my life has taken me in the last 4 months...I am happy.  I realize and recognize friends and family.  I do not like them or understand every day.  They are my rock.  Check me when I need and wrap me in their arms when I need.  Could not ask for more.

Life...

Life.  We all have one.  Live one. Wish to have one. Everyday, whether morning or night we wake wanting a life.  A life which contains love, laughter, friendship, family, adventures and memories.

Often work brings us down.  Supervisor on our butts for not doing enough, being clueless, or just for having a bad day.  Family picks us apart because we are not married, our kids are bad or we do not call enough.  Friends are not around or when they are they disappoint.  And your significant other can either make you fall in love all over again or shake their neck.

Either way life can introduce exactly what you do not want when you wake up.  So how do you find the life that brings laughter and love?  How do you not allow the unwanted to trespass into you life?

Easy.

Not easy.

Each day you wake and say, "Today is a good day.  You will not still my joy of love and laughter that is my life.  I will find shine in every outing, encounter and every task.  My life will be filled with love and laughter."

The word "still" is not a misspell.  No one can take my joy.  All they can ever do is pause.  Hence the word still...not steal.  It will not be taken.

A struggle to keep this mantra is an understatement.  It is work everyday.  As you work to overcome your limits within your career.  Overcoming your cringe when your family embarrasses you or makes you feel less.  The friends you believed would be there for life are all falling by the wayside.  And that love of your life allows questions on why you said they are the love of your life.  All of it is a struggle.

That is life.  We struggle.  We have days when "Today is a good day" is enough.  And you are rewarded with a good day.  Others can be classified as day of memories.  How you interpret or maneuver these memories is a personal and day to day choice.

My advice...find good memories.


My memories...