Job Interview

I was so excited about having another job interview. I really need a job and do not want to move back in with my parents...ugh I am just too old for that. Of course this has been one long ass journey and I am pretty much tired of whatever lesson I am suppose to be learning through this time period. I get it. But now this is really starting to effect me. As it did today.

I am sitting in the room with 6 people staring at me and had a panic attack. These bad boys have started to rear the ugly head a lot more lately. Mini'imah says it is because all I have been through this past year. And I can agree with that, but it feels like such a cope out. I am so much better than that.

Dizzy, nauseated, fear, the need to breath (I was but it felt like I wasn't), out of control, outer body experience...I could not complete the interview. I have never been so embarrassed or ashamed in my life. And I have pulled some stunts in my life that my butt should have been embarrassed. All I could think is I can't do this...I have to get out of here. Such shame.

Mini'imah suggested I seek out a counselor to help me with the issues I am having now. And I really would like that. But you need money to talk to a shrink. I have used them often and I know I need one now. Don't want to drop my basket again.