Lack of A Date

Dating, or the lack thereof, is one difficult bitch. I have been single for so long I am at a loss of how to walk through the landmines. Granted, I have "seen" people over the last year. But to consider someone my boyfriend or significant other...that has been YEARS. So I am trying now to get "back into the game." The only problem is finding someone who is worthy of me. Do not misunderstand, I recognize my faults. I acknowledge my faults. I have plenty to go around. However, I find it difficult to accept the choices that I have.

My faults are many. A main fault is that I do not open up right of the bat. I feel as if I need to know the person. Feel comfortable with them before I open up. More to the point I need to know them before I allow them to have my body. Yet, most believe that physical attraction and physical behavior is expected no matter how soon.

Recently, I met a guy. We talked on the phone, IM'd and agreed to meet for dinner. He knew my feelings of truly knowing someone yet he tried to take it to the next level. Granted in the beginning I participated, but that was only because I always feel obligated like it is some type of gratitude for taking me to dinner. I readily blame that on my childhood, when I would do anything to please. Thank goodness I have started to truly work on my feelings and my wants so that I can stop myself. And I stopped myself because it did not feel right. But I should have known he wanted sex. He said his favorite topic was sex.

I view my body and the emotions attached as a privilege. Neither are given out freely. Now my kindness to people and love for them is a constant. I will always interact with people by providing the utmost respect. Those actions are vastly different when it comes to the opposite sex and their romantic interest in me. Or should I say their sexual interest in me. I am respectful and kind. Yet they seem to take my behavior constitutes...YES I WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU!

I am a sexual being. God did good when He made procreation pleasurable. Yet at the age of 31, I no longer look for the pleasure alone. There has to be a connection...a link.

Maybe it's my city. It is known throughout the country that the ratio of men & women is hopelessly skewed. And the gay population more than likely out weighs the heterosexual. I am thrilled that someone is finding companionship. I could care less your preference---be happy and enjoy life! And if you can clue me in on what I need to do to find someone I will be happy!