Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Embrace this...HERE in the US

I wrote this a long time ago...don't know why I never posted...

After a week of Black in America on CNN. A week were we learned or relearned what we already knew about our state here in America, without an answer or step-by-step plan on how to fix it we need to learn, search & step outside of the box.

Our present generation (& I would go as far back as the children born in the early 80's) have become an "I want it now", "You need to do for me because I won't/can't or have no interest of learning how", "I do not have to listen to you" or "Education is stupid" generation. Now, I realize that this is an over generalization. There is a large portion of society (present generation) who do not believe or think like this. But let's be real. The media will never portray this percentage consistently. NEVER.

I have always been employed in civil service. I know an antiquated term, but it fits. Besides high school all of my jobs have been in government. And I am not speaking of management. I talking about the down and gritty...meeting the people face to face, seeing all the war damage, listening to how food is not available, don't know where Ma is, never met Dad, can't read past the 3rd grade but 19 years old. In my short years I have seen a lot. Never will say it all because all I have to do live another day.

I am always questioning what can I do? Can I do more? What can my family contribute? My friends? I worked with a youth program for 4 years. An average of 110 kids per year. I am still in contact with probably 45% of them. While sometimes I want to pull my hair out with the issues they walk into, I feel the need to be there. Guide them still. Only because they deserve the chance, opportunity, and vision of what they can become. But sometimes I have to pull back and ask when are they going to stand up on their feet and let me walk behind instead of beside? Shouldn't they want to do that?

Unfortunately, more often than not they don't. I cannot tell you how many young men I come in contact with who cannot answer a simple question about themselves without turning to their Mother or girl. "What is your SSN?" ***Turns to look at girl...she answers*** Wouldn't you as a man want to be capable of answering this? "When was the last time you worked?" "What is it that you want to do in life?" "Can you use a computer?" Time and time again I run into MEN who cannot answer these simple questions.

The crux of the problem is it is not about your station in life. It is about your vision for your future.

Yeah, I can say all this because I come from an middle class family. I never wanted for food, shelter or clothes. But I had my issues. I still have my issues. However, the 1 thing or constant that was always in my life was the want to not live in the same station. Grow.  Become more.



Monday, July 19, 2010

Update...

I have planned a post for weeks.  Something always came up.  Allow me to give you an update of what came up...


  • I met someone!  Yep the person who has not dated since 2007 met someone who they actually wanted to spend time.
  • The above person and I spent a lot of time together.  I even told other people about him.  (I NEVER do that.)
  • My workplace became seriously crazy...unemployment checks are stopping...I have to tell them there is nothing else.  Do you get how hard that becomes?  Between feeling deeply empathic of their circumstances and trying offer other assistance that the DOL does not offer?!  I either receive full blown out tears or a dressing down.  No matter it presses down hard.
  • The love of my life next to Platinum has been in PICU since July 3, 2010.  My Buddha.  Cameron, if you look at page.  He has a TBI.  It is July 18, 2010.  He is doing so much better than the 1st week.  And I honestly believe he will make a full recovery.  I have had dreams of him later in life.  (I have these dreams whenever a traumatic event happens and my angels show me the path.  Not the trials but assure me we will make it through.)  Whether he has to rebuild the 1st 2 years of his life...then so be it.  I will be there.  Outside of his Mommy and Grandma I have been there are almost everyday.  He hears our voices, he feels our touch.  He fighting to come back to us and we will fight to have him back.  We love him and need him. He bonds the family.
  • The above mentioned guy turned out to flake out during my family crisis.  Wasn't spending enough time.  Could not understand why the phone calls changed or ability to call back in a timely matter changed.  Many discussions.  He did not get it.  My uncle said he would not make the cut.
  • Throughout the valleys and peaks my life has taken me in the last 4 months...I am happy.  I realize and recognize friends and family.  I do not like them or understand every day.  They are my rock.  Check me when I need and wrap me in their arms when I need.  Could not ask for more.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

My Gratitude...

Updated often...check back to see why I am grateful...

I am grateful...

*  that Platinum loved me and I experienced her love.

*  to have true friends.  The ones who get your moods and let you be.  Who come in and say the words or shake the shit out of you.

*  for Aunt Dorothy.  Her living and beyond the grave experiences.  I am who I am because of her.

*  for my Father.  Or Daddy as I still call him.  (Ask him how I say his name.)  He taught me a work ethic by doing.  And for that I will forever be grateful.

* to have a Mom who still after 33 years says you need patience.  I am trying.

*  for Carey James.  He is more like my brother than my own.  He gives me words and I take and leave some  to be me.  Like a big brother.

* to Diana Marie for coming 13 years late.  She helps me remember to be young.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

My Pain

Last week I lost someone who I loved more than I knew.  She was with me when I moved out (or rather didn't move with the folks) and got my own place at 19.  She was with me when he left me again and again.  He gave her to me.  She was there when I had surgery.  When Grandma Minnie died.  When Buttercup died.  When Great-Grandma died.  She was there when that man came into my apartment.  She was there when I dropped my basket.  When I finally graduated.  She was there.  Happy for me.

There where days when I talked so much shit about her.  She couldn't understand where to go pee.  She liked to knock over my drinks so she could have some.  Leftovers, a favorite.  Out of the trash can.  Kicking me in the middle of the night because I moved and she lost her position in the bed.  My favorite pillow.  Waking me up at 2 am to go to the bathroom.  Separating me from anyone sitting on the sofa by kicking them.

She was the greatest.

I had to let her go.  I do not know the day, my family took care of that.  What I do know that she is not her with me.  And I miss her more than I thought I would.

Everyday is a struggle to get up and go to work.  To eat. To behave as if my life is normal.  I want her to be behind me.  Me talking to her to tell her where to go because she was completely blind.  Picking her up because steps bothered her.

I want my best friend back.  I want to hear her nails on the hardwood.  Watch her run into walls, furniture and anything in her path.  I want to feel her nose at night as she searches me out to make sure I am still there.  The scratching noise she makes at my parent's bedroom door because she loves their room!  Watching her maneuver my parents property blind from the back and make it to the front.  Hopping around in the rain because she hates rain!

The neurotic, loving, insufferable, lovable, moody and beautiful American Cocker Spaniel is physically not with me.

My heart will never let her go.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Sorry Y'all

This is where I am right now....

"I find nothing more depressing than optimism." ~ 

Paul Fussell


Hopefully I will come out soon...

Friday, January 9, 2009

#89...101 Things in 1001 Days

So I sent out an email of an article that I read here to numerous of people. One of those people included my cousin R. I have not spoken to him since 2005. We didn't meet until 1993. Never knew he existed until then. And when we met it was like finding a kindred soul. Regardless that we were raised very different and had vastly different experiences. It worked. I spent time in Chicago and he spent time in GA. In 2005 we were going through rough times in our life. We had a conversation after my Aunt died and trailed off. No word from him and no word from me. I am not sure why.

So imagine my surprise when he responds to my email saying that he apologizes for what he might have done or said to cause problems. As I read this my mouth is hanging open because I thought I had done something. I am the one more often than not to say things which upset. Not him. I immediately responded apologizing to him about whatever I did. Our communication skills obvisouly suck since we both are blaming ourselves. I asked him to tell me what I needed to do to get back in his life.

I will keep you posted. This is 1 of the like 20 things that I really wanted on my list.

Saturday, January 3, 2009

10 > 1.....

10 Things you wish you could say to ten different people
10. I am just not into you...get a grip....
9. I wish you could see your family is right here...learn about us and love us for who we are...
8. Pay me what I am worth damn it!
7. Old age does not give you the right to be cruel...yeah you can say what you want but remember feelings!
6. I am not sorry for being selfish....it is who I am...get over it
5. Keep fucking with my baby...I will give you what you deserve...bet on it
4. The workplace is not the venue to try out all of your different personalities...
3. I see why you lost your job...coming to the Labor Dept. smelling like a distillery...its business!
2. Take your big girl pill baby girl...time to be everything you are destined
1. I love you

9 Things about yourself
9. I play the tough girl....so sensitive
8. I am waiting for love...hopelessly
7. I am tired of doing it alone
6. Considering a sperm bank...don't judge
5. I neglect myself on a daily basis
4. I miss church...have not found one here
3. I am a nerd
2. I like the smell of Clorox
1. I never knew I was light-skinned until middle school

8 Ways to win my heart
8. Acceptance
7. Small things
6. Unconditional love...it is possible....
5. Respect
4. Understand the gift of family
3. When you see my load is heavy, pull up beside me
2. Encouragement
1. Your smile

7 Things that cross my mind a lot
7. Why do people always try to change other people? The greatness of humans is our diversity. Embrace it. You might learn something about yourself.
6. Making a comment about every single thing a person does makes me think of jealously. Someone is jealous.
5. What is my purpose?
4. Will my mask ever fall down?
3. Am I going to be the old lady with the dog?
2. Will I ever be happy with myself?
1. Why is everyone so angry?

6 Things I do before I go to sleep
6. Brush my teeth
5. Take the baby out
4. Fix water for the morning
3. Make sure that alarm clock is working!
2. Have a coke...I know
1. Have a long....long bath

5 People I couldn't live without
5. My Mom
4. My Princess
3. My Buddha
2. My Uncle Carey
1. Really that's it....

4 Things I am wearing right now
4. Old 911 sweatshirt
3. Old high school t-shirt
2. Aunt Dorothy's ring
1. Princess' old lounging pants...she has a Serena ass...can't fit!!! LOL

3 Songs that fit my life perfectly
3. All Cried Out ~ Lisa Lisa & Cult Jam
2. Yesterday ~ Mary Mary
1. Bleed it Out ~ Linkin Park

2 Things I want to do before I die
2. Kids
1. Love

1 Confession
My mask is up so much I wonder who I am most days....

A Moody Update

It's 2009 & I feel no different than 2008. Right now I am stressing out over rent. It's the same thing every month. New job does not pay for everything and my folks have to help. And here is the drama. Every month they ask how much, go through the whole song & dance of something has to change (it did I got a job). And I ask what? I can't make my job give me more money & my rent is not going to change. So exactly what is going to change? I am looking for a part-time job but hey I work in Unemployment. I know how bad it is out there. Very bad. Don't get me wrong I know how special and privileged I am to have my family and their contributions, but dang man...is that really necessary? To make me feel worse than I already do?

I am just tired of being stressed out. I really believed when I got a job a lot of my stresses would leave but that's not the case. I now have this awful habit of biting down on my teeth for hours. I could not figure out why I had so many headaches. (I never get headaches, just migraines.) Funny this is I didn't do any of this when I was unemployed. Sure I worried but it didn't physically manifest besides the weight loss. I am one of those people who doesn't eat when stressed. I know opposite of a lot of people.

And let's not talk about my lack of social life. None. Nada. And I really want to date now. I couldn't say that a year ago. Did not want to be bothered. Now that I do....& no one wants to be bothered with me! Ugh!!!!!!!!!!!!!

On a happier note.....


Welcome to the World Courtney Reese!!! (My newest cousin!)










That's all folks....me & my friend Johnny are going to reacquianted.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

TMI Tuesday

TMI Tuesday #167 - Happy New Year!

1. Last week was "The Most Wonderful time of the Year", but what are your favorite 2008 memories?

Hawaii****Chase





Finally getting a job!



2. What is the best thing you learned in 2008?

I learned that family is the best. You might not like them all the time...but when you are down...they are up for you.
3. On a scale of 1-10, how good was your 2008?
'08 has definitely been better than '07. I would give it a 5+++...almost a 6.
4. What is your wish for 2009? What is your wish for someone else for 2009?
For me I want to continue my journey into being who I was placed on Earth to be. I know it will be a long journey. And it is a journey I have loved taking.
For the people in my life whether it is casual or very significant I want their dreams to come true. I want them to have the life they are destined...and to find joy in everything.

5. Where was the first place you ever passionately kissed?

Clarke Central High School, Athens, GA!

Bonus (as in optional):Do you make New Year's resolutions? What is/are your's for 2009?
I don't make resolutions once a year...they can be daily, weekly or monthly. When I see myself getting off kilter, I rein myself in.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

TMI Tuesday

TMI Tuesday once again from .....





1. What is your favorite Thanksgiving food?


Ok...don't have 1...my Grandma's Dressing & Potato Salad...she puts Apples in the salad...try it's good!





2. You can flip a switch that will wipe any band or musical artist out of existence. Which one will it be?


I want to believe every artist has a voice...but I still cannot get into Coldplay! Even after the awards show this past Sunday...can't!





3. You seem to be having an excellent day because you just came across a hundred-dollar bill on the sidewalk. Holy crap, a hundred bucks! How are you gonna spend it?


Put it into savings...my paycheck never makes it to the end!





4. What is your favorite curse word?


Fuck.





5. Rufus appears out of nowhere with a time-traveling phone booth. You can go anytime in the PAST. What time are you traveling to and what are you going to do when you get there?


I would go back to the time that the Pancreatic Cancer started in Aunt Dorothy and stop it.





Bonus (as in optional):You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What's it gonna be?


I want Wonder Women's Golden Lasso!




From Professor Fate

Happy Thanksgiving and safe travels to those in the US. The rest of you have a great Tuesday!p.p.s. Who has a theme idea or questions? EMAIL me at prince[dot]hapnik[at]gmail[dot]com! I'd love the help.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Happy Birthday Cameron!!

Last year my baby sis gave birth to this....









As you can imagine we were not exactly excited. She was 18. Just graduated from high school. Had plans to go off to school. Well...plans changed and we adapted. Like everyone else who has dealt with changes in the plan.


Thankfully Cameron Isaiah was exactly what she needed. She is now a sophomore in college. By summer '09 she will have 63 hrs...a junior! Who would have thought it? But he kicked her in the butt real good. Better than I could ever. She has goals. She has dreams and wants for her and my Buddha. Life is good.



Now this is what we have...





And this is his 1st BIRTHDAY!!!!







HAPPY BIRTHDAY BUDDHA!

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Public Service Announcement

I never met this man. He died a couple of years before I was born. He is my Uncle. My father's older brother.

I say this because it is truly amazing how many of his personality characteristics I embody.

My father loves to tell the story of how Jr. would sit out in front of our funeral home in downtown Athens and speak to the people walking by. He would always speak..."Hello Mr. Smith, Good Morning." Nothing wrong with that right? Well I pity the fool who comes back down the same street and speaks again! Jr. would curse up a storm! He cursed a lot. (So do I.) "Damn, didn't I just speak to you? You don't have to keep speaking. I have more things to do than sit up here and speak to you every time you walk down the damn street. WTF is wrong with you?" That's basically a paraphrase but you get the point.

I am the same damn way. If we have spoken once for the day. I am cool. Unless something else has occurred that needs my attention. But in no way do I want to talk to someone 5 times a day. WTF? And really that includes some of my friends and family. Ugh.

I know that may sound cruel and mean. And I should be thankful that people find me so engaging that they want to continue to engage me. But some days I don't. I want to be left alone.

Instead of understanding I get "You are just being mean", "You need to let more people in your life", "You are selfish". So the FUCK what?

I can't be who you find so engaging unless you allow me the time to regroup. To find myself again. Let me be.

Remind me to tell you about the time Jr. shot a whole in his door to prove a point.

Monday, September 8, 2008

Family Time

Been MIA for a while...life is still making me stronger. (You see how I am making it a positive?)

So this past weekend my cousin Chase who you have read about a lot on my blog finally had the opportunity to come home and spend time with the family. It has been 4 years or so since most have seen him live in living color.

While in Hawaii visiting him I thought of having a BBQ or something for the family to see him and wish him well on his 4TH TOUR overseas. Yeah 4th. 23 years old. 4 times over there. I am sure that is abuse and a crime. Anyhoo....

It was great. The family behaved like they had sense although I am sure everyone went home and had some negative comment. Haters. Love my family but we have haters. Unlike most times we come together we had majority of the food catered. No one wanted to ask our 81 year old Grandma to cook everything. Although she did fix the dressing. Man....you just don't understand.

Below you will find a slide show of some of the pics....I love my family and love the size of it. It was weird to see how much we have grown. 2 new babies. New wives and girlfriends. Cousins who we remember being born now in middle & high school. Goodness these children are making me old. I remember when it was just me & my brother. My brother is almost 11 years older than the next kid after me.

Ok...I am rambling...check out the slide show...

Aren't we lovely?

My Grandma is in orange...check out the genes! (You know we are still scared of her. Even her children. They remember the backhand.)

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Tired...

of when people meet me & spend time talking with me they say I am spoiled. And right of the bat I get defensive. Defensive I guess because they only look at the outside package. When in public I am a well put together person. Fly. Chic. It looks like I shop every week. (Actually I learned a long time ago how to take care of my clothes. Still have clothes from a decade ago that look good.) What they do not recognize is that I have learned how to wear the mask. I get the mask wearing from 1 of my 2 favorite writers...the Incredible Paul Laurence Dunbar.

As a female, as a Black Woman, as a pigmentally challenged female I have often had to wear the mask. As many of you do. My mask is no different. While situations, society, economics, and locations may have played a role in the reason, our mask is no different. We wear it to hide who we are, to hide our trigger points, our hurts, our pains, our feelings of ineptness. We wear the mask.

As I said, lately I have been receiving the spiel of "You are spoiled". And I am sick & tired of it. I am not. I know that I am loved. I know that there are people in my life that will be there for me even when they believe my decisions or life choices are not good. But I am not spoiled.

Maybe the defensiveness comes from feeling like the invisible child growing up. I can honestly say it is not the middle child syndrome because by the time my sis came along I was a teenager & the baby of the family. It was because of the dysfunction of my brother & my parents in their dealings with them. Their focus for most of my tender years was directed @ my brother because he was such a dysfunction. (Better now. Proud of him.) And I bought into the game. He became my problem although he was 5 years older. Whatever. I learned early on to take my claim. Not loudly. I created a role, a place where it was about me & only me. More times than not I was the only person in that world.

I believe people say I am spoiled because I am very adamant about what you can say to me, how you can talk to me, the tone, & what I will not put up with. I learned all of this the old fashion way. I earned.

I earned every nuisance that makes me The Moody Gemini.

I earned the right to say on the weekends I will not answer the phone before 10am.

I earned the right to say I will have my "me time."

I earned the right to say I will not date just to be dating. I have already been in love. I know BS from the real thing. Come better.

I earned the right to say I will not be apart of dysfunction.

I earned the right to say spending my weekend @ every club in the city is not the way I roll.

I earned the right to say although you are my parent-I am an adult & you will not speak to me in that manner.

I earned the right to say I have expectations. You should get some. Then maybe you won't be so mad @ life.

I earned the right to say if you don't get me that's a personal issue. I don't live for you.

I earned the right to believe I chart on my own course (with the help of God). Your influence does not register. It will be taken into consideration.

I earned the right to say this is how I want it. Everyone should get what they want. Or at least fight for it. If you don't get it @ least you know you tried.

I earned the right to not open the door when you show up unannounced. Did you call & see what I had planned? If I had company?


My life has not been a bed of roses. And I know I am not alone. But just because I am deciding to rise above the ashes. To become the Phoenix Rising amongst all of the chaos does not mean you can categorize me.

Perhaps you should try to understand me. Or learn from my experiences.

But what you should not do is judge me.

Monday, August 18, 2008

My Family

This past weekend I was blessed with my baby Sis~Princess Diana & her son Prince Cameron. I wanted to spend time with her before she started her sophomore year in college. WOW. Her sophomore year. I remember when she was an impending birth & could not stand the thought of her. As you can see I got over that. She is my angel. Not the person who I know she can be but she is making great strides. And Prince Cameron is the fuel that she needed. Someone besides herself to take care. Trust me...she is a spoiled Princess. I contributed so I can't whine too much.

Maybe it's my ego that loves that she tells me she remembers what I have said in the past. Or she recognizes why I behaved in certain ways (she is living it now) towards family members or why I refuse to partake in family discussions, and my life lessons in love & friendships. She was listening. I believe it's great practice for my future children. Or maybe it's because I feel like a big sister finally since our ages have caught up somewhat. There is still the 13 year age difference. But I can remember. LOL


So here is a snapshot of our time together before her crazy boss @ the shoe store called her in to work.










Thursday, August 7, 2008

Quote of the Day

The family is changing not disappearing. We have to broaden our understanding of it, look for the new metaphors. ~ Mary Catherine Bateson

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

My Aunt

I am re-posting this as I am watching Primetime on ABC. They are recounting the life of Randy Pausch who died of Pancreatic Cancer. This is the same disease that took my Aunt. I am thankful that medicine has progressed in such a way that a 4 months to live diagnosis does not mean it will be. Her Dr.'s diagnosis was right on the money, but he lived. And hope that eventually it will be another cancer that people can survive.

On Friday April 14, 1995 I lost one the most important, influential and loving persons in my life. My Aunt Dorothy Lumpkin Weir. She died of Pancreatic Cancer. A cancer at that time killed everyone. I can remember the conversation she had with my father, her brother and she said "Jack, it's not good." I was sitting on my mom's lap. That was about a month 2 months before she passed.












I had recently went through reconstructive surgery on my shoulder in March and honestly did not believe she would die or leave me. I didn't die during the surgery so why should she die? I knew my Aunt. The woman who I wanted to be, the woman who taught me the art of cooking, the woman who showed me what a strong proud Black woman was about, the woman who would come and get me and take me on trips to show me more than Athens, GA., telling me she was not going to survive this disease. She would not be there for my children. She would not help me shuffle through life. She would be gone.

The day I received the call that she was no longer talking, no longer recognizing her surroundings I wanted to be with her. I wanted to die with her. She was my everything. She represented everything to me. She was the only person I knew that my Father was scared of, the person who was regarded as an authority. She had love. She represented love. She provided me the opportunity for me to be. Without question. She loved me. Unconditional. She loved me.









I spent her last with her. She could no longer speak. She could grunt and she held my hand and my brother's hand. He could not handle her state. But I wanted to be there. Her boyfriend of 25 years or so said she was waiting for me and I felt it. She as able to grip my hand and hold it tight. She told me so much in her grip as loose and firm as it was. I knew I was her light. Her nickname for me was "Lil' Heifer." It might sound demeaning or condescending but it was her name for me. I was always full of something. Had an opinion or thought about something. I knew I would be her Heifer for the rest of my life. She was bold, she was cunning, she grew hybrid Roses in her yard, she had an old old's named Betsy that I loved taking trips in. She was my everything.

I know it might seem strange, but when I am going through hard times, moments when I feel as if I cannot go on I dream and I see her. She comes to me. She talks with me. And she hugs me. I can feel her hug. Her smell. The woman she was before cancer. And she reassures me that it will be OK. That life will go on. I look for and cherish the love I receive from her in my dreams. She was a remarkable woman. The world was cheated when she left us in 1995. I need her now as I did in the past.
I Love YOU

Saturday, July 26, 2008

My Weekend with Buddha!!

I was blessed to keep my nephew Buddha this past weekend. It was heaven. & once again awakened my want to have a child...not right now! LOL

Here are a feel snaps of me loving him & him loving me! & others of him in Savannah & @ home...



@ Piedmont Park




His Mommie kissing him Goodbye


Notice that his head is @ the seat of the futon & legs against the back!




Fighting sleep...


@ Piedmont Park





in Savannah...how cool is he?


Waiting to get into my Apt.

Friday, July 11, 2008

Showcasing

Check out my Daddy at this link!

My Randon Thoughts...

^Being nice & courteous to people does not take away from your paycheck. Try it sometimes. It makes the world better.

^I now have a bootleg laptop. Platinum decided to lay her fat, overweight, lazy behind on it and broke a key. Only b/c the Doggy police would come after me did I not beat her like I wanted to.

^Since I have removed myself from certain friends & family that disrupted my spirit I am really loving, enjoying, & relishing my friends that came forward. Their light shines so much brighter.

^I have a job! Did I mention that? I still need a part-time gig b/c the state don't pay. Does anyone know of any?

^What is up with these college athletes being charged with rape? Honestly, my crew use to consist of mainly jocks & former jocks and they were a mess. Is it b/c a lot are finally getting caught or these girls are wising up & saying you know what...this shit is not right?

^I refrained from commenting on the Supreme Courts ruling on guns b/c I did not understand a lot of the outrage. I am a gun owner. Licensed. Been shooting @ a range since I was 4. I am not afraid of the licensed people carrying guns around. The average gun owner who has that natural fear & understanding of gun usage will not be crazy with it. The person I worry about is the one who picks one up on the street with no knowledge of guns besides how to pull the trigger, a hot temper, nothing to live for, a beef w/ someone or just those crazy mf's out there. That's who you should fear. News report after news report had licensed people saying - no I will not take it on the train, bus or in a restaurant, but I will shoot you if you step into my house. That's me. Sorry if you don't agree with me.

^I am helping you file for unemployment. No when I finish you cannot take me to lunch. Remember you were laid off?

^One day I am going to stop my past hurts from manifesting in my today.

^Am I really ready for a relationship? I think I am scared to death!

^I told 1 of my guy friends about a semi-cry I had over a movie & his response---"Damn girl you are showing your soft side I might have to date you!" What the hell? Am I too hard for a guy to date?

^Is it wrong to remain friends w/ all of your ex's? Even the ones that completely destroyed your heart?

^I still have Parent issues.

^Being unemployed for 1 yr. has taught me a lot. I will share one day.

^I loved it when my Buddha (Cameron) crawled off his Mommie & came crawling to me mad & crying because I was leaving the room. And then sighed when I picked him up. That's love. It feels great.